isilien

_{The grass was greener
The light was brighter}

Yes. It's been almost a whole year since a journal update.

Not like anyone cares. Except me, I suppose.

It's been a crazy year; but things seem to have settled down. I imagine I will be able to upload some new photos very soon.

Till then,
Well met again

isilien

***

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Sunday.

What a great name to call a day. It had been a long time since I've felt really happy and content with my life and Sundays have especially been dark and depressing for me. But today is not so.

It was a perfectly normal day though, mind you. I did not even get out of the house. I did not have great adventures under the warmth of the winter sun by the seaside. No no... I did very mundane things. I had a huge breakfast with my family, I did homework, I listened to music, I sang at the top of my lungs in the shower -and probably irritated the neighbors horribly-, I ate chocolate with mint and drank dark coffee and I watched a movie.

I just felt content, happy, relaxed, accomplished... and sunny

Then the sun set.

With the sun, set a sweet melancholy deep within me. I climbed on top of my desk, opened my window and watched as the cool breeze swirled around my arms, as the trees slowly danced to the music of the wind, as the gulls cried and flew towards the sea, as the last rays of the sun disappeared, as the first stars appeared in the sky...

And as I gazed at the stars, I thought that the day had been sunny; but the night was brilliant.
isilien

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_{I hate and I love}

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For one moment, I let my guard down and life engulfs me in its glory and I am blinded by its wonders, breathless with happiness, intoxicated with love.

Inevitably, it lets me down hard and I am, once again, reminded of my humanity, that I am not invincible and almighty.

But life is memories. Either good or bad.
And memories become reality, reality becomes a dream. And the dream lasts forever.

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My hellish final exams have just started; but all I can think of is how beautiful the reflections on the library's pool are.

I can be distracted like that sometimes.

And I feel tired, really, really tired. Feel like I could sleep for the next 10 years or so... My dreams are filled with strolls on the beach, deep dives into the ocean and big adventures on the sea.

How can anyone expect me to learn about Turing Machines when all I want to think about is whether sky diving or kite-surfing is more fun?

Seriously.

isilien

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I often think about my earliest memory.

Mind you, it's nothing fancy. I am sitting at a round table and eating spinach from a small bowl. That's it.

I've often wondered if it was a real memory or just a dream. Though, when I described it to my mother, she confirmed that, yes indeed, we used to have a kitchen with a round white table and yes I used to eat spinach from a small green plastic bowl, in fact it was one my favorite meals and it was all before we moved from the city I was born, long before I should probably remember...

Now I am wondering... What will be my last memory? What will I be thinking of when I finally come to the end of all living memories? Will it be a thought? A scent? A sound? A beloved's face? Will this all be a dream then, like my first memory now seems to me, just a dream, a vision-like reality hanging to my mind by a thread so thin I question its existence. Will I, then, question my life's existence too?

A friend of mine is dying.

And I force my mind to remember my last memory of him. What was the last thing we did together, him and I, before he got trapped in a damned hospital bed 17 months ago?

I cannot remember... I cannot remember at all...

All I hope is that his last memory will not be one of pain and fear. I hope he can remember that two days ago, I told him that he was my friend, that I loved him and bid him farewell.

***

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enayla  rain1man  kerembeyit  foureyes  perkan  timshinn73  Gold-Seven  mellon  asymons  Elvire  foreverdelayed  papermoose  x-horizon  fatihkilic  idolwild  ukitakumuki  Zen-Master  melihturer  bittertaste  erdalkinaci

My friends

                                              

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